Here I am, kicking back in my room, the door-sized window wide open, allowing to enter every ray of sun possible and exposing to it my pale-ish American skin. This is the life, I tell you. Never have I felt more relaxed or without worry, though I am certainly aware of more important things that deserve my attention, I would rather sit right here and spoil myself with luxury.
I dont know why I have this inspiration today, I see sun almost every day here on the island, but for some reason I have this nostalgic feeling that brings me back to a childhood summer vacation, not a worry in the world. Maybe its because I have been sick with a stuffy nose and sore throat these past several days, and am still in that dreamy-hazy state or mind, you know, that tired feeling you get when your body is tired because your immune system has been working ever so hard to make you better. Maybe its because I am content with the state of my life right now. When I first got to the Islands, I was depressed and lonely and hated it here and wanted nothing more than to move to the peninsula where I felt I would seek the answer to all of my problems. Sometimes when I prayed at night I would ask God why he did this to me, and what it was that I was receiving punishment for, that the exchange wasnt supposed to be like this. Here I sit, five months later thinking to myself how glad I am that the moving to the peninsula plan didnt work out and that I got stuck here in this shabby little 800 square kilometers of space. The only thing that I can possible imagine that could make me better would be to have the amazing view of the ocean and all the houses below that you can see when you look out the two giant windows of my little host brother´s room.
I should probably be finishing up my blog about Italy about now, but that seems like too much work for me to handle at the moment. I cant concentrate when that cool breeze is caressing my face so delicately. That must sound so terribly poetic, I am sure. Apologies for the sappy emotional crap lately.
I cant believe I am going to be an aunt. But all the same I am thinking that its about time that Kerri had a baby. I guess I have just been hoping for so long that I cant believe it. More flashbacks of childhood memories, summer vacations, New Jersey at Grandmas and Poppop´s, playing Troll at the park, running away from Dad screaming with excitement, tire swings, beach clubs, Spice Girl´s Movie, trying to stay up as late as we can so that when the clock strikes 12, we can officially call it a ´Midnight snack´, going to Katherine’s because Oreos always tasted the best at her house, lemonade stands and then burying the money we made afterwards for ´safekeeping´, stoop baseball, crabbing with Uncle John. Those were good times, and I am glad that I still retain memories of those times, some people cant, then again, I am only nineteen years old, i guess it really wasnt that long ago. My host father says he cant remember anything from his life before his years of twelve or thirteen. I feel bad for him, but I guess he was always moving around and stuff as a kid with his dad being a pilot and everything. He probably never had time to attach himself to anything.
Its funny when I look back at myself as a kid, a little embarrassed of who I was: shy, pudgy, afraid, always off somewhere daydreaming, wanting nothing more than for to be a part of the group; I think of all the many ways in which Ive changed, with age, with maturity, with trying to better myself and yet, I am still that same kid. : )
